FIGURING IT OUT

Dear Reader,

The last four months took me through there.

I haven't written in a while. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was busy surviving. I deliberately said "see you later" because I knew I had to give 100% of myself to that part of life. And it was hard. So hard.

I never cried once or felt sorry for myself. I took each day as it came and planned my every move days in advance. I turned my emotions off and ran on autopilot. My only focus was getting through it.

So where have I been?

For three months my mom and I were homeless. We lived in a new Airbnb almost every week, surviving off of microwave and air-fried meals. Between the arguments and shut downs, we searched for a new apartment until we found our new home.

We've been living in our new apartment for about three months now. At first, I really struggled to settle myself and exit survival mode. Honestly, I haven't quite figured that part out yet.

I thought once we moved in, everything would fall into place exactly how I envisioned in my mind. My bank account would recover, I'd be going to the gym three times a week, and I'd be ready to blog consistently again.

But in reality, my mind never turned off autopilot.

Although, our new apartment was more than I could've asked for, I couldn't shake the unreal feeling that I was finally living in the reality I pictured in my mind months ago.

Hands down, the hardest part of it all has been learning how to stop surviving now that I have a home again.

So today at 11:15 pm on June 13th, I'm still figuring it out.

I'm definitely in a much better headspace. Otherwise, I wouldn't have touched my keyboard. But I'm ready to unpack everything more deeply, process what I've been through, and officially close that chapter.

And with that being said, I hope you've all been doing well and practicing self-care ;)

Sincerely,

Chianti Shonese